Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare Transcripts
A Civilized Man John walks into the Church. He sees a familiar girl Mother: Ay, que bueno. Senor Marston, how wonderful to see you alive. John: I think Ive cleared Sepulcro. Mother: You're a brave servant of rightousness. John: Ive been called many things in my time, but never that. Who is that girl, by the way? Mother: She? I dont't know...she said she was in a holy order in Escalera. John: Im sure i keep seeing her, or someone like her. Mother: Maybe, but it is a common enough look. Seemed like a nice girl. She told me something interesting. John: What's that? Mother: She blamed this terrible curse on our soon to be President, Abraham Rayes. Perhaps you have heard of him? ''' '''John: Heard of him? I know him well. Mother: I hope that vain, ambitious and repugnant parasite is no friend of yours. John: Not exactly.. I didn't... I didnt think he was that bad. Mother: And who am i to judge? Forgive me. I have just heard many unpleasant stories and met too many pregnant and abandoned girls. ''' '''John: Of course, but what has he done? Mother: She claimed he had angered an ancient goddess. disturbed a crypt and a temple in her honor. I mean, as i say it, it sound like heresy, like the idiotic delusions of a cursed people. but in a land suck as this, I have learned to be less dogmatic then maybe i have been instructed. I am sure it is just folly. John: Maybe it's time i go pay El Presidente a visit anyway. Mother: I shall pray for you. John: Someone certainly needs to, Goodbye, Mother Superior. Mother: Vaya con Dios, hijo mio. rides to Escalera. Where he finds a woman crying siting on the stairs. John: Senora... donde.. donde is Abraham Reyes? points to the top of the stairs. John can hear yelling from the door. John: Reyes? ' 'finds Reyes as a zombie chasing the mystery girl around the table. ''' '''John: Stop that now, Abraham. Come on, stop that. then kills Reyes John: He always did have a way with the ladies. It's okay, he's dead. M Girl: Thank you, senor. John: You'll be okay. M Girl: Im glad you think so, but i fear i won't. None of us will. We are all doomed. Because of him. John: Him? He wasn't a great guy, but i'm afraid you're giving him a little too much credit. my dear. Haven't i seen you before? ''' '''M Girl: No. He, he, he caused this with his greed and lust for power. He heard an ancient myth and tested it. It caused all of these terrible things. His vanity overwhelmed us all. John: What the hell are you talking about? Where have i seen you? M Girl: A Mi? I have a common enough face. Im from here. He disturbed the royal burial ground that lie underneath the town. He heard there was a mask hidden there that would make him invincible... John: I've heard this blamed on Mexicans, Jewish people, freed slaves, the federal govenment, immigrants, the bad weather, now this? What's wrong with you people? M Girl: Its true. Look in that chest. He has a sacred mask. That is where this plague came from. Him and his awful lust for power. opens the box to find a mask John: Where did you say the crypt was? M Girl: Near the bullfighting ring, behind the villa. John: Well, I guess its worth a shot. and the Mystery Girl start heading toward the crypt ' M Girl: The mask must be returned to its owner. John: Wait here, it might be dangerous. M Girl: You need me. I know what needs to be done. John: I sure hope you're right. M Girl: The animals have also suffered. The thread that connects all has been desecrated. The entrance is by the bullfighting ring. John: I always told my son. Never go into dark places with strangers. Damn, Look at their eyes M Girl: The fire of their discontent burns brightly. ''' '''John: Why aren't they attacking you? You really are a strange girl. M Girl: You must act now, look inside yourself. Can a bad man have a good soul? Do not underestimate the power of the mind. Many of these died in a great battle on this very site. ''' '''John: No wonder they don't seem to like me. M Girl: Sometimes we must remember in order to forget. John: This dont look like anythin' nice. M Girl: Our enemies are a reflection of ourselves. Some of them worshipped the moon and the brave man has to kill everyone. John: Abraham, what the hell have you done here? ' '''M Girl: Our history can never be silence. Fear is all in the mind. Sometimes we must remember in order to forget. ' '''they find the crypt, When they get there the door shut behinds them. After John Kills a few more Zombies. John: Christ, that was close. Good thing i got down here when i did ''' '''M Girl: This is not the time for your half hidden vanity. Now come, Lets put an end to this. ' M Girl: Return the Mask John: Are you sure? M Girl: Of course. Im Sure. John: How do you know? M Girl: My name is Ayauhteotl ' 'Places the mask on the alter. John: Ayauhteotl. turns arounds. Ayauhteotl is gone. but her voice to come out of nowhere. Ayauhteotl: A horse is waiting for you.. You should return home. A Cure For Most Of What Ails You travels to Fort Mercer where he meets West Dickens. Man: Hey, someone's out there. He ain't one of them... open the gate. John: Howdy, Mr. injured girl is being lead by a man Man: You gona be okay. West: Step right up, step right up! Dont be shy now, dont be shy. Nature confounds us. Thats the truth sir. Thats the truth. West Dickens patented tonic. the only 100% original, 200% guaranteed cure against the undead stalking this earth. It not only bring health and fitness to the sick and needy, it repels the undead and saves souls. Its a natural miracle, and its available now, here at the low, low price of only 100 solid gold coins. That sounds expensive, but, what price eternal damnation? You Sir. You look healthy, would you like to give it a try? John: Me sir? West: Yes sir. Would you care to demonstrate the undead defeating possibilities of this patented elixir? John: No sir, I would not. What i would like is for you to stop peddling this nonsence right now. 100 gold coins? ''' '''West: Well, what price would you pay for survival? pulls out his gun John: You tell me, Mr. West Dickens. You tell me. West: Well, since you put it that way. why dont all you chaps all take one for free now and if you like it, when you like it. You'll know where to find me. You wont find any undead around me. Take it. Enjoy. Thanks a lot, John. John: These people have lost their families.. they've lost everything... ''' '''West: Well, that's not my fault. Im just trying to make an honest living here. John: No, you're not. West: Well, okay, but can i help it if demand is high? John: High? West: Im offering the people hope, John, thats a precious commodity, the tonic really works. These poor awful undead creatures cant stand it. Come here, take a look. looks through a spyglass, he watches a man drinking the tonic. Only later to be eaten by zombies. John: Works like a charm... ''' '''West: Well... that wasn't quite what i expacted. John: That stuff is like catnip to those bastards. West: Well.. I need more desert sage and violet snowdrop... and then i know I can cure this foul plague. John: Okay, Back to doing your dirty work am I? West: Now don't be like that. Don't you remember the good times? Please.. Im an old man.. alright... here take it. maybe you can use it to attract some of them... John: Okay, ill see what i can do, and thanks. Sure this will come in real handy. in case i want to meet some new and intresting friends after john finds the plants, John findes West Dickens on the side of the road. On top of his wagon. trying to shew away a zombie. West: GET OFF.. NO! NO! NO! GET AW.. GET AWAY... John: Another satisfied customer, Mr. West Dickens? West: Hello, John. Poor fellow can't get enough. John: As I see. West: Get rid of him, would you? John: Why West: Well, because we're old friends? Because, we'll team up and fight the forces of darkness together? John: No. West: Because, Ive got something you want? Trust me, you cynical bastard. ' 'shoots the zombie West: Thank you, dear boy. Thank you. Did you get the stuff? John: Of course. ''' '''West: Excellent! Wait just a minute. goes to the back wagon to tinker, while John waits West: Here you go. These should help. If I've got my mathematics correct. they'll blow the buggers apart. John: And, if you've got your sums wrong? West: Oh, ye of little faith. Now listen John, you're going to need some more serious weaponry. Ive got a plan. But, you need to pick up some old parts at Riley's Charge. John: Another shopping trip? West: Well, excuse me if my efforts at salvation are interrupting your busy social calender, John. Im only trying to help because.. John: Because we're old friends. I know. You better not be wasting my time. West: Me? Never. Perish the thought. John gets the supplies, John finds West hiding under his wagon at Benedict Point John: West Dickens? Nigel? Where are you old man? You better not have gotten killed you. West: Under here. ''' '''John: Get out here. West: Are you alone? John: No, I brought the great massed hordes of the undead with me. Of course im alone. West: Its not the undead Im worried about, dear boy. I kind of like them. Its the normal people i cant stand. John: What's Happened? West: Dont be like that. I haven't done anything, or stolen anything, or even lied, That much. John: Then what. West: A bunch of people just chased me out of town. They blame me for everything thats happened. I tell you John Marston. Ive been selling help tonics for years. From here to Timbuktu and never once has there been a demonic blood lust, or undead rising up. Its preposterous. John: Okay ''' '''West: No, they want to hang me, ME! An honest salesman! Can you believe that? John: Snake oil merchant who cried wolf? ''' '''West: Well, something like that. Im headed south. Im headed down to Mexico. I hear things are much better down there. Not to mention the climate, and the nice locals, but also the merciful lack of cannibalistic morons with infectious eye diseases. Did you get the bits and bobs i requested. John: Sure. ''' '''West: Excellent. Just a moment. goes to searches in the back of his wagon West: Here you go. John: I risked my for this? A Blunderbuss? Is this a joke? What is this? 1850? West: Oh, ye of such little faith. You've been hanging around cattle and killers too long. You've got the compassion of a mass murderer and the intellect of a cowpattie. John: Ill stick your faith and this gun where the sun dont shine. West: This is the weapon of choice for demonic horde killers everywhere. From Romania to Edinburgh and all the other places the undead roam. You can put pretty much anything into it and blow a bunch of the buggers away in one go. Makes you rifle look like a pea shooter. John: You better not be lying to me. West: Would i lie to you, John? To others, I admit the occasional sin of comission. but to you, never dear boy. Now, Im a heading down to Mexico. Is there any chance that i will see you there? John: We shall see. West: Well, if you're interested. I should be at Solomon's Folly in a few days. trying to figure out a way to get in. I hear the border is not as open as it used to be. Ta ta. drives off American Imperialism is siting near a fireplace in Solomon's Folly When John shows up. West: Ah, Mr Marston... John: What's going on? You got a passage into Mexico? West: For me, no. But for you, maybe. It all depends on your relationship with good old Uncle Samuel. John: What are you talking about? West: Well... the border is indeed closed. But the army is sending a train down there. Now, whether its to help the Mexicans there, or to escape the problems here, i have no idea. John: But i thought things were better in Mexico. West: Well, better or worse, certainly different. John: So why am i going and not you? West: Well that's a matter of age, dear boy... The army dont have many recruits with quite my level of experience. John: So? West: So, you are on your own... There's a train at Benedict Point and its leaving. Soon, once they've got all the soldiers rounded up. ''' '''John: Okay West: And your venerable friend here has done some more help.. Ive found some less then happy campers who have given up on glory and abandoned Uncle Sam's ranks. They are hiding out at Scratching Post. One of them might give you a uniform. John: Okay, And what about you? West: Baghdad, dear boy, well, either that or Fort Mercer. Or perhaps its time to meet my maker, with drool coming out of my mouth and a lust for human blood. John: You take care of yourself... West: I always do, dear boy, I always do. walks off into the sunset, John goes sit by the fire goes Scratching Post and fight off some zombies. After the attack join talks to the leader of the deserters. ''' '''Man: Thanks for helping out. They came out of nowhere John: Any time, partner. Say do you fellers have a spare uniform? Man: what the hell for? John: My family's in trouble and i need to get over the border. I hear there's an army train goin' that way. Man: Sure, what do i care any more? You earned it. There should be one in the chest by the tent. Help yourself. finds the uniform and puts it on. John: Thanks, I feel like such a noble patriot. John gets to the train its under attack by zombies Captain: I said to hold the perimeter Man: Help! Help men! Captain: Get the back side, Get the back.. C'mon..at the back. Conserve your ammo. takes out the rest of the zombie Captain: You did real good soldier. John: Basic training was very thorough. Captain: Well, that good. These degenerates are only good at whoring and drinking. Lets roll out! ' ' ' ' Captain: Keep your eyes skinned for any more of those nightmarish fiends! John: Is this train headed for Mexico? Captain: God willin' John: What's the army going there for? Captain: Officially to help our Latin brethren in there time of need. Unofficially to get the hell out of here before things get even worse. See what we can steal down there. always one step ahead ain't we. ''' ''' Captain: So what am i dealing with here? Are you a deserter? John: Not exactly, sir. I got split up from my unit. Captain: which regiment? ''' '''John: Im stationed up in West Elizabeth. Captain: Where you involved in that Van Der Linde operation? John: I did my part. Just kept my head down and followed orders, you know how it is. Thing was a bloody mess. Captain: They're still coming! train is then attack by zombies again. ''' '''Captain: Roadblock! Stops Alright, everyone of you clowns get down and get the debris off the track. Lets go, let go! Come on soldier.. move, move. Alright, make Uncle Sam proud solders c'mon.. Clear the tracks quickly, lets go. are nearing C'mon, we ain't got all day. Quick, Quick, Quick.are even closer Fight! Fight! Fight! Get back here and fight. What are you? Yellow? Look out! There's more of them! kills the rest of the zombies. The captain and his men run away. John: Only one way im gettin' into Mexico. ' 'Releases the brakes on the train and crash through the road block. In the distance John can see a second bigger barricade. John braces for the impact. the train crashes through and the train stops. John is now in mexico. Biographies and Lies scene starts with two zombie hooking up, apparently. Afterwords a man is being chase my another zombie. Man: Ahh, Dios Mio! You me repiento! me Repiento.. of the sudden a shot kills the zombie, It turns out to be Landon Ricketts fired the shot. Ricketts: Do you think i like shooting women. you filthy whore mongering wretch? Man: Gracias senor que estaba viendo a mi tia esta media descupada. Ricketts: Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. Go on! Go on, get! Man: Andele, gracias. John: Hello, Mr. Ricketts. Ricketts: Hello John, i see you're enjoying another vacation in or little resort. John: Something like that... Ricketts: Well, we got sunshine, sand and a plague that makes people eat each other. Come to think of it, it must feel just like America to you. John: What is going on? I thought things were calmer in Mexico. Ricketts: This is calm. What's a little light cannibalism among friends? Excuse me. shoots something So, how have you been? John: Good... well, apart from my wife and son being tied up and trying to rip my soul clean out of my body, and the entire earth turning into hell. Ricketts: Good... real good. You know, John, I have lived a long life. I've seen this land when it was just wilderness and scrub. Ive seen missionaries nailed to crosses by Shaman and burnt into just the cinders of their misguided devotion. Ive seen slaves get set free and return to a bondage even more confusing than the one they left behind. Ive seen diseases wipe out entire communities, in a weekend. Ive seen bad men make their own Valhalla out in the bush,with harems of maidens and the hunting of men as a sport. Ive seen men struggle with principles and morals and the very meaning of existence. Ive killed all that can be killed lights some Dynamite and throws it into a room of zombies But, I have never in all my natural born days seen anything like this. John: Nor me, sir. Ricketts: Now, if we could only get something that would attract these blighters. We could kill them faster and maybe return this land to its natural state. John: Some kind of bait? Ricketts: Exactly... John: I think i might know how. Ricketts: And more Dynamite. Im running pretty low. John: Let me see what i can do.. Ricketts: Thank you John, and take care. walks away, as a zombie come close to him, He shoots it and continues walking. When John Returns he finds Ricktetts in a lawn chair, drinking, smoking, and shooting zombies. John: Mr. Ricketts. Ricketts: Hello sir. How've you been? John: As you imagine... Ricketts: Good. Did you get the dynamite? John: Yes and the bait. Ricketts: Let see. takes the cork out of the bottle and puts dynamite there instead. He trows it which attracts a zombie, When zombie is close enough. Ricketts shoots the Dynamite. Killing the zombie. Ricketts: Wonderful! Here, let's work with that for a second... Now, this calls for a soft touch not the brutish hands of a man of war. But the delicate touch of an artist. Some use oil, some a chisel and a block of marble. For me, sir, it was always either high explosives or the trigger of a fine iron, but its much the same. John: Sometimes your humility overwhelms me, Ricketts. Ricketts: You and me both, Mr Marston. Now, if you'd have seen me when i was a young man. If you'd seen me, when i was so fast you couldn't see me.. well, well, then you would know... this is humility. Truth is...... well, truth is long dead. Now we've got only memories. Memories and a great swath of demonic mutants, of course. John: Have you heard anything? Ricketts: I heard a man in Chicago was writing a biography of me and can you believe it? An artist in Pittsburgh painted my portrait. John: I mean, the demonic hordes, not your own unending glory. Ricketts: Oh, that? Nothing too intreseting. Someone said that there's some really big problems near Escalera. But i can't concern myself too much with that. This is my home now. This and this up here. John: Take care of yourself... Ricketts: I Will. John: I dont think getting savaged by some brainless corpse would do too much justice to your myth. Ricketts: Yeah, I think you're teasing me, Mr. Marston.. But i thank you, and i appreciate your concern nonetheless. Birth Of The Conservation Moments in Tall Tree. Man: I got one, mister. Hey, I got one. John: Got what, mister? Man: A damn sasquatch. Filthy thing was gonna eat my dog. When this girl hollered out and i shot the thing right through the heart. Boom Like that. ' '''John: You feeling alright, mister? Ive seen a lot of strange things recently, but no sasquatch running around here. Nor no place. They're made up. ' '''Man: These's sasquatches every place, cowboy. They're nastier than your mother in law with a bad case of that virus. Down in Manzanita Post, they ate a little girl. John: Are you serious? Man: Do i look like i'm joking? The hills are infested with them. Kill them. Kill the bastards before they kill all of us. Kill them. Kill them. I aint afraid of you, you dumb hairy bastards. ' 'hunts down 5 sasquatches. Untill he finds one sitting under a tree, crying Sasquatch: Shoot me, human. Shoot me. John: Oh i will, you foul creature of the night. Sasquatch: You'd be granting me peace. John: Why is that? Keep you from eating more babies? Sasquatch: What in the name, of all that's right, are you talking about human? John: You eat babies. You have to, to survive. Everyone knows that, Ain't your fault Sasquatch: We eat berries and mushrooms, you fool. Or we did. Now, none of us are left. Some maniac's been murdering us. I'm the last of my kind. We've lived in these hills a thousand years. John: You eat babies. Sasquatch: If you say so, human. My family is gone. My kind is gone. Shoot me. I cant take it anymore. Make it stop. Curious Tales From Blackwater John gets to blackwater. The town is deserted with sign written on the walls, like God Save Us, The Dead have Risen, Were all Going to Hell. After searching, John Finds Harold MacDougal ''' '''Harold: Mr. Marston,sir! Marston! Its me! John: Professor. What are you doing here? I thought you went back to yale ''' '''Harold: I did, but I came back for another round of research. And now, all hell has quite literally broken loose ' John: Whats is going on?' Harold: Well sir, Im a man of science. A man of great learning. A Thinker. A wise man, and ill be honest with you, sir. I haven't got a fucking clue. ' John: Well, ain't that dandy.' ' Harold: What should we do? ' John: Well, I suggest we try to find other survivors, band together and find a cure, or fight to the death trying. Harold: Well, that sounds great and all, but i.. just peachy. But im not sure that im not cut out for such shenanigans. I was thinking more that of finding a horse and riding back to the civilized north at the speed of knots. Before writing a paper on the events from the comfort of my study. Im a scientist after all. Right? I mean, I.. I cant do much science if im some blood shot dervish's lunch, can i? Much as i would like. ''' '''John: Your sense of duty is very impressive, Professor. Im going to search the back street for survivors. Harold: No. perhaps staying with you would be safer. Could you just wait a sec here, would you please? Im going to wander down that lonely deserted street and get my bag. John: Wait you should stay with me, Professor. You havent got a gun. Harold: Its okay. There's no need to worry. Everyones already dead. I left my stuff with Mr. Nastas.You remember him. Indian fellow. Dumb as bricks but, a good sort. John: Okay, well meet me in a couple of minutes ''' '''Harold: Affirmative, a couple of minutes. is then attacked and killed by the Undead Mr. Nastas. searches the backstreets and he hears crying form the back of a store John: Anyone Here? Hello? Anyone here? Girl: In here, mister. ''' '''John: Come out, it's okay. Come out. I don't bite. Bad joke. I mean, come out. Girl: They got my family, mister. John: And mine, I fear. Girl: I saw my momma rip my daddy's face off and drink his blood. And they was happily married twenty years. John: Im sorry. ''' '''Girl: And we was so glad to see my momma, because she's been dead for 3 years from the smallpox. John: Your momma was dead? Girl: And i saw her walk up on to the porch then boom! She ate my daddy. He weren't, he weren't a bad man, mister. He weren't. Sure, he liked a drink, but he weren't bad. And sure, he liked the company of women, but he weren't bad, mister he weren't. John: No one deserves to have their blood drunk. Girl: I mean, he knew how to use his fist, and if a woman spoke out her place. He reminded her of it and everything, and when my momma was dying. People said he was lying with her sister, but that weren't true mister. It weren't. John: But you said your mother was dead. Girl: Her and Mister Braithwaite. Hes been dead a year, and then yesterday he walked up that street eating dogs, and he loves animals. All the dead folk have come back to life mister, only they aint happy. Funny kind of salvation. John: All the dead folk? Girl: All the folk buried at the cemetery over by the churchyard. John: My god. Im going to go have a look. You want to come? ''' '''Girl: No, I already seen my momma. I dont need to see anymore of my relatives. Here mister, take this. If you can burn them, maybe you can put their put their souls to rest. gives him a torch And mister, if you see my uncle Mordecai, burn him! Burn him real good ya hear!. cleans the graveyard and continues to search. As John searches some more he finds a family on top of a building. John: You folks okay? ''' '''Woman: Just fantastic. I just saw my daughter get eaten by some creature sent straight form hell. Thanks for asking. John: Im kind of sorry i did. Man: Sorry, mister. Forgive my wife. We've suffered terribly. John: Whats going on? Woman: Its the government's fault! John: Ain't it always? Woman: Well, they let in too many foreigners. Just shut the god damn border, or things like this happens. My daughter was just some satanic demon's lunch because of the god damn government! And I pay my taxes... usually. John: I think we may be moving a little off topic here. I ain't a wise man, but i have done a little traveling. These creatures ain't like any foreigners ive ever seen. Woman: Thanks for the input, cowpoke. I got flesh eating monsters feasting on my family and im taking advice about tolerance from a gun slinger. What in the world has my life come to? And, my daddy told me i never should have gotten married. This is all your fault, you useless man. ''' '''Man: Not now, Doreen. Not this again. Your daddy was a bully and a drunk. Woman: Well, you aint no kinda man. ' '''John: Listen, im sorry to interrupt your happy remminisces, is there anything i can do to help? You got any idea of how we can survive? ' '''Woman: Well, you could try shooting them creatures, you dumb fool. John: Ma'am. Its been a real pleasure. Sir, you're a man of great patience. <>> ' '''Woman: See that man isnt hiding away like a little girl that wet herself. ' '''Man: I thought we agreed to stick together. Woman: So we're just gonna to stay up til we either starve or have to eat each other? Man: What do you want me to do? I ain't God. ''' '''Woman: Hah! That surely you aint. You're as useless as a four card flush. Ahh God! I should have married Burt Sackett when i had the chance. Man: Not this again. Maybe you should've. Burts the right kinda feller to have around when you have to start eatin' each other. That for sure. ' 'John searches some more. He finds more survivors Man: Hay, you one of them, Mister? John: Do i look like one of them? Man: Dont come no closer. We made that mistake before and lost half our number. John: I ain't one of them, you fool. ' '''Man: Well how do i know? ' '''John: They can't speak. Man: I ain't taking no chances Lucille: Kill him. He's one of them. John: No, I ain't. Archibald: Don't take no chances, Silas. John: Have it your way alright listen, I aint coming no closer. You know whats going on? Lucille: Its the glass eye. The freak with the glass eye. He caused this. ''' '''Archibald : No, it's the snake oil man. These poor folks have been drugged. Connie: I blame the Mexicans! They haven't been struck down. ''' '''Man: Alright, we've heard alot of stories, mister. Some say its the moon. Some say its drugs. Hay, don't come no closer, now. Stand back. Apparently its worse in New Austin. Must be where it came from. John: Then, it looks like im headed down to New Austin. Did one of you say, snake oil? Lucille: Its the glass eye! Connie: I blame the Mexicans! Lucille: Connie MacTavish, you dont know nothing, you always was an ignorant shrew. I bet your husband's glad he's dead. ''' '''Connie: Well, at least my husband never took favors from the star gazers, Lucille Billingsgate. Lucille: You say you're sorry, you hillbilly white trash. Man: Yeah, How we going to rebuild America like this? See, i thought we had it all decided. We was gonna be kind and gental and pay homage to our leader who happens to be me. ''' '''John: Sounds like you folks have this all worked out. Have yourself a fine America, and good luck. Archibald: We never had that decided, We decided we would hold elections and i would be leader. Man: You cant even read! Archibald: I got gravity... I mean gravy... I mean folk respect me.. I am the new king, Archibald Andrews. Me. now pay homage. suddenly a zombie attacks Lucille form behinded and kills her Dinner For Two Armadillo, Marshal Leigh Johnson is watching a man being attacked by a zombie in a jail cell Man: Please! Please get him off me! Please get him off me! Marshal: Come on. Let him go. Come on boy, think. Well, try to. john walks in. The Marshal shoots both of them Marshal: Sorry boys, but ya didnt give me a whole lotta choice. Hello, John. Welcome to paradise. John: Hello, Marshal. Marshal: Might have know you'd survive. John: What's going on? Marshal: Do i look like i commune with the undead? ''' '''John: Well, no. Marshal: Well then, how would i know? My job is.. ''' '''John: Take care of the folk who live here. Marshal: You heard that one? John: How's that going? ' '''Marshal: How's that going? Well, let me put it to you this way. Cattle rustlin' and bank robbery are at an all time low. Murder, blood drinking, and psychotic episodes seem to be somewhat prevalent. Either that, or Im dreaming. ' '''John: That's what im hoping too. Marshal: How was it getting in here? John: It was crazy. Marshal: They must be hiding again. They come in & then just disappear. Town's been nearly overrun a couple of times. Now we're low on ammunition and I'm two men down. John: I'll help you clear the place out if you like? Marshal: You're a good man, John Marston, but before that, Im going to need my deputies back. John: What happened to them two clowns you had before? Gone? Marshal: Maybe, i sent Jonah off to look for Eli, They both been gone for serveral hours now. John: Who'd want to eat one of them? Marshal: That's a good question. John: Where'd you send them? Marshal: Out near the general store. Jonah's got one of these new guns. I'm sure he can't have run into any trouble. These things, they'd stop an elephant. John: Thank you. Marshal: No, Thank you. I'm sure you got your own troubles. ' 'Walks to the general store, and talks to the owner, Herbert Moon John: Hey mister. ''' '''Moon: Hey partner... John: You seen a couple of deputies nearby? Marshal's boys, Jonah and Eli? Moon: Are they Jews mister? They sound like Jews. John: I dont know. Why? Moon: Why? This whole thing is nothing but a Jewish plot. You do know that, dont you? John: I find that highly unlikely, amigo. Moon: Well, I dont like Jews. Or colored folk. Or natives, now that you mention it. John: Well, you're a nice, kind hearted man to meet in a time of trouble. Moon: Kind dose not come into it. ''' '''John: Why? What are you talking about? Moon: Why? I bet you like Catholics. I cant stand them neither. Nor women, Fabians, Socialists, homosexuals, Asians or British. Between them, They've ruined this country. Ruined It. It was a good country once. Now, people are eating each other. & its all the fault of the Jewish British Catholic homosexual elite and their ideas. Well, i for one wont stand for it. John: Have you ever met a Jewish person? Moon: Thankfully not. John: Or a British Catholic homosexual? Moon: Not in my store! Oh, i get it. I see you acting clever. Well, let me tell you this. The Jews killed Lincoln. That's why there is a triangle on the money. And they run Europe like one of them Arabian harems. Now they've sent this here plague to kill all us decent folk. John: You, sir, are truly a remarkable fellow. Moon: Thank you kindly. John: I must say, its a rare pleasure to meet someone with such a grasp of human history. You take care of yourself. I'd hate to see you get savaged by Someone and watch the life force drain from you hate filled body. walks away, Moon picks up a box and follows Moon: Hey, hold on there. why don't you join me in my fight, sir? It's not too late. John: I fear it is for me. Moon: Then i will fight them alone. All of them! America is the land of the free, and that means free to people like me. Herbert Moon! John: Absolutely! ' 'Herbert is attack by zombie. John leaves him to his fate. Moon: You can't eat me. Im Herbert Moon. then goes to the stables. Where he finds Jonah and Eli eating each other John: Hello boys. Marshal sent me, he need some help, Guess you got other plans? Seriously, enjoy your meal. No problem. Easy now, gentlemen. Remember all the fun times we had? and Jonah then come after John. John kills them both. John then returns to the Marshal Marshal: Hello, John. John: Hello, Marshal. Marshal: So, you find the boys? John: I found them. Marshal: I understand. I hope it was fast for them. John: It was fast and they died with their bellies full. Well, one of 'em did. Marshal: Good. John: There's Jonah's Gun. Marshal: Here, you keep it. After all, you earned it. John: Thank you. Marshal: Take care of youself, John. John: You too, Marshal. Filth & Other Entertainment Plain View, John finds D.S. MacKenna (from "Lights, Camera, Action"). He seems to be framing a scene for his movie. John: You okay, Mr? Mackenna: Mr. Marston, well i might have guessed you wouldn't have got the lurgy yet. John: Not yet. Im trying to help my family. Mackenna: Yeah, quite the hobby of yours, that. John: Sure. Listen, any idea what the hell is going on here? Mackenna: No. But its brillant. Man turned against man! Kind-heartedd neighbors turned into savage flesh eating monsters. Do you see it? It'll make a fantastic movie. John: Who would enjoy that? Mackenna: What? John: What kind of sick person would like that? Mackenna: My kind sir! The lowest common denominator! My people. John: You're gone, friend. Mackenna: On the Contrary, sir. You mistunderstand me. Come now. you're a smart fellow. Allow me to illuminate. shows John a tied up zombie in a tent Mackenna: Listen Mr. Marston, what i need is one of those nasty buggers that spits poisonous snot on you. If in your travels you can find a spare one.. We can make movie picture history. John: You're worse then they are. Mackenna: Each to their own, Mr. Marston. But if you find the time. walks away. Later when John returns with a Ratcher Mackenna: Mr. Marston... I see art has got the better of you. John: Stupidity got the better of me, But i felt i should help an old friend. Mackenna: I appreciate that, sir. Are you ready to watch the creation of magic? John: If you say so... Mackenna: Wonderful, let's put the star into his first scene. lays the Ratcher next to the other zombie, D.S looks into his camrea Mackenna: Lovely Lovely. Oh, This looks great in frame. Movie making history, my friend. unties the zombies. Mackenna: There we are.. and ready, ready, ready I say, you're going to be stars. Do something intresting, now. And action! Zombies go...eat human flesh ..that's right... that's right. zombies then attack Mackenna Mackenna: Help, Marston! Get Back In That Hole, Partner travels to Old Bacchus Place where he finds Seth playing cards John: Seth.. Seth.. you okay? Whats going on? Seth: Oh, hey there John. Fancy a game of cards? John: Not right this minutes. Seth: You remember Moses, John? John: He's, hes a.. is a zombie playing cards with Seth Seth: He's a darn sight more loyal now then he was before. Come here, boy, Come on. Come here, boy. John: What are you doing? Seth: We were boyhood friends, John. Moses is having a tough time right now, Ain't ya, pal? John: Whats going on? Seth: We're playing cards. Relax. Sit down. John: I mean with the undead walking the face of the earth, you crazy dumb bastard. Seth: That ain't nothing. John: Ain't nothing? I seen husbands eatin' wives, mother eatin' sons. graves poppin open and the undead rising up. It sure as shit IS something. Seth: Oh, boo hoo. Big tough John Marston is scared of a little undead creature walking around. Moses wouldn't hurt a fly. Would you, darling? Besides, this ain't nothing new. John: Folks in Blackwater blame it on that glass eye you found. Seth: Folks! Folks! Folks! Damn them folks, John Marston. Damn them. And Damn you. Get him. Get him, Moses. Get Him. ''' '''John: After all Ive done for you, Seth, and I thought loyalty was important to you. Seth: You can't hurt me. Moses, get him. Go. John: Yeah, Get me, Moses. Looks like your dog's lost his bite, Seth. Now what the hell's going on? Seth: The dead are risen, and a virulent plague is turning people into flesh eatin' crazies. What the hell do you think's going on, genius? John: But why? Seth: But why, why, why. Why not? Why not? Why the hell not? John: Cause it ain't natural. Seth: Who made you Mother Nature and Mother Superior, all at the same time? Who made you, John Marston? Same as made me, same as made Moses. John: Is there a cure? Seth: These things tend to fade away, now. If you want to get rid of it. you should go clear the graveyards. Either that or stop worrying and become one of them. Now, if you'll excuse us. We got good times to remember. Happy times. John: Okay, See you soon then, Seth. drops his cards Seth: Come on, Moses. Its your deal. Diamonds are trumps. C'mon. john get back after clearing grave yards, he finds that Seth is having a party with his undead friends. John: Well, Seth, sorry to interrupt your party. ''' '''Seth: Hay John, come join us, we're having a jig. John, have you met Mary Lou? What about Francine? John: I did as you asked and cleared out the rest of the graveyards. Doesn't seem to have done much good. Seth: Good? Good? Good? Is that good? Are you good? John: Stop with your nonsense, you annoying fool. Whats going on? Seth: The world is turning, John Marston, and the moon with it. Day follows night and hate follows love. ' 'pulls out his gun John: Okay, you asked for it, Seth. You either stop dancing and start talking. or parpare to join Moses and the rest of these freaks. ''' '''Seth: Are you constipated, John? You look angry. You get constipated when you're angry. Yes you do... John: Im warning you, Seth. ''' '''Seth: Oh, Im warning you, Seth. Im warning you. Dont play with the undead Seth. Dont chase trasure. Dont waste your time searching for treasure and discover only a glass eye.. Glass eye. Well warn all you want, cowboy. eats the glass eye Well, that's a load off my mind... Why didnt i think of that before? Hey John, Well, how are you? Would you like a drink? We've got blood and mucus Surprise! C'mon. John: Seth, what is going on? Seth: Aztecs.. or Incas... Or it dosnt really matter. Its all the same. Once every two hundred years, the land is doomed, Thats why we love it. Mexico! Mexico, John. Mary Lou, may i have the honor? John: You're a sick man. Love In The Time Of Plague dark and storming outside and John Marston is driving home Narrator: After mouth away. John Marston returned to his loved ones. While trying to rebuild his ranch and win back the trust of his family. Marston awaits whatever life will throw at him. As he drives home one evening from an errand, he ponders whether a man can ever escape his past. He is a man who is ready for anything. Almost Anything. ' 'Johns home Jake and Abigail are in the living room. Jack is reading and Abigail is Sewing, Abigail Pricks herself ''' '''Abigail: Ah Damn! Jack: Mother Abigail: Im sorry. I meant to say damn this awful son ive raised with his highfalutin' ways and his shame that his mother swears like a sailor and sews like a blind man. Is that better, your lordship? Jack: Much better, mother dearest Abigail: Good Im so glad, my darling when you've finished your university education and are far too good to even acknowledge my existence when we pass on the street and you gently kick me aside, begging old crone out of the way with your highly polished boot... well, think of me kindly at least, will you my son? Jack: Ill try to, mother... I will think that woman i just kicked, that used to be my dear old potty-mouthed mom. Maybe i should bother to kick her harder. Abigail: Dear boy. I am so proud of you. puts his feet on the couch Get..off..Now, Fathers home. Maybe, he can beat some sense into you. John: Something funny's going on out there. Damn dogs gone crazy, and wolves howling and birds flying. Abigail: Well, its just the storm, John. John: Maybe.. Uncle make it back yet? Abigail: I thought he was with you, off drinking in the fields. Im mean working, as you call it now. looking in the window from outside John: No. He went into town a few hours ago after we busted that hammer working out in the meadow. ''' '''Abigail: Well, he's probably holed up in some place of ill repute waiting for the passing of the storm. John: I hope so. bloody hand touches the window Abigail: Well, that old man can take care of himself. John: I know. Just a funny feeling i got. Jake: You gone psychic. pa? John: Either that, or i ate something funny. Knowing your mother's cooking, seem more likely Abigail: Well, talking about food, who's ready for some poisoning? John: Me, my daling. I am starving! hat you reading? Jake: Just some book about monsters. John: Tell me about it. Jake: Its kind of dumb. John: That should suit me just fine. Jake: Well, its all about in ancient times how Aztec warriors worshipped the sun. But, during full moons. some of them worshipped the moon instead and that upset the equilibrium of things. So anyways... what it involves is.. there's this one guy and he goes out in search of food for his family. sits there looking at his son with pride as he tells his story Jake: And that leaves him all alone. So anyways, since there aint no cure, the brave man has to kill everybody, which is.. ''' '''Abigail: Absolutely disgusting and completely unbelievable... its getting late. I guess were not going to see Uncle 'til morning. John: Come on then, Abigail. Jack, get yourself to bed boy. Try to get some sleep. Jack: Aint you worried about Uncle? John: Sure, but he'll have to wait 'til morning, just like any other man would in his shoes. Night, son. Dont stay up reading too late. and Abigail are sleeping in bed when the door to there bedroom opens, its Uncle John: You okay old man? You dont look so good. and Abigail jump out of bed. Uncle who is now a zombie try to attack John John: Whats the hell is wrong with you, you crazy old bastard? hits him with a lamp Abigail: Where you going? Where you going? John: To get my gun. God damn it? ' 'rushes to get his gun form the shed, at the the same time Abigail runs from uncle, In the front yard, Uncle attacks her and bites her John: Uncle, you dumb son of a bitch, stop! puts uncle out of his misery, Abigail lays there on the ground holding neck John: I cant believe i had to kill that poor bastard. I.. well, you okay darling? You okay? Abigail? Abigail? Abigail: I dont feel so great. John: Jack get out here. Now! Jack: Good lord! Whats happened? Momma. John: Careful Boy! Jake: Momma, bites Jack Ow Ow! Momma. John: Just stay right there. The pair of you. Dont make me no widower now. Runs to find a rope. Abigail and Jake are now full Zombies and are running towards John. John Hogties them both and puts them in the master bedroom. He bring them both some food John: I dont know what the hell has gotten into you sick crazy bastards or what Uncles done to you, But im going to get help. Stay calm. As calm as you can seeing as both of you seemed to have gotten a little excited. Probably just a fever. Jack, be kind to you mother. Abigail. teach the boy right from wrong. Both of you, stop biting chunks out of people. Be back soon as i can. ' gets his clothes and boards up the house. On his way out a zombie comes near which he shots in the head' John: Guess i best go find me a doctor in town. Missing Souls Fort Mercer. An amy captian is putting up a poster John: In a time of enormous crisis, I might have known the government would have you boys doing the work of a common clerk. Captain: Well, thank you for your input, citizen... I'm glad you find life so funny. John: My pleasure... Captain: Do you think this poor girl's family finds life quite so funny right now? John: Family? I assumed she was a common killer.. Captain: She's a missing person... missing presumed dead, I guess, but you keep cracking them jokes. John: Im sorry, mister. I guess i spoke a little out of turn. Captain: I ain't the one you should be apologizing to.. just find the girl, she's 15, Millicent Waterbury. picks up the poster. when he gets to the girl he finds that Millicent is traped in a house surrounded by zombies Millicent: Please! Help me! Mister! Mister! Help me ! Help me! John: Hey! Stop that, now! kills all the zombies. Millicent: Oh my god, thank you! That was awful! John: Are you Millicent? Millicent: Yes! John: Come on, you family's worried sick. Millicent: Thank God you came along. John: What were you doin' out here by yourself? Millicent: We were so hungry. Even at the fort, there ain't enough to go round. I just wanted to find somethin' to eat. John: Climb on, lets get you home. Millicent: Whats you name, Mister. John: John. John Marston. Millicent: Ive heard that somewhere before. You from round here? John: Ive spent some time down here. But i live in West Elizabeth. I have a small farm up there. My wife and son. They've got this infection. Millicent: Thats Terrible, Do you think theres a cure. John: Sure hope so, because otherwise, I down want to think of the otherwise. Millicent: Did you see them, clawin' at that house like a pack of wolves? It was like they could smell me in there. John: No offense, miss but they could. Millicent: Its horrific. Are they alive or dead? John: Somewhere in between, I reckon. Millicent: This sickness, it ain't like nothin' I've seen before. John: You're Tellin' me. Millicent: I mean, my Uncle Pete gets incoherent and mighty gropey form time to time and coughs up some bilious horrors of a morning, but never anythin' like this. John: Im pretty sure whatever your Uncle Pete's got saloon-related. Now lets try to get you back to whatever's left of your family in one piece. Here we are. I cant seem to get away from this place. Returns to Fort Mercer, a guard opens the door, Millicent runs to her family. Millicent: Like i said, thank you. Good luck helping you family, Mr. Marston. John: Thank you. walks away. Captain: Plenty more just like her, Mr. Comedian. We got a whole host of missing folk. Mother Superior Blues heads to Las Hermanas. Only to find a Woman being attacked by a zombie. The woman manages to push the zombie away. She finds a rifle near by and shoots the zombie in the head. John: You okay, sister? Mother: Well, Im alive, senor. Although come to think of it. I just committed a mortal sin. John: Claim self defense. It always works for me. Mother: Yes, Well, I fear my judges may be a little more stringent then yours. But i appreciate the advice. Unfortunately, many of my nuns are not so resourceful as you or I. Their innocence will kill them, which is truly a terrifying reality. John: I would not know. Mother: I think maybe you would. but let us leave the psychotherapy and focus on more pressing matters. They are locked in the church, while the hordes of these half witted demons are trying to get to them. John: It would be my pleasure. Mother: You're a true Samaritan, sir. You know, they say the devil has all the best tunes. It may be so, but it seems he also has the most half witted friends. John: So you know Bill Williamson then? Mother: Excuse me? John: Just a little joke. Ill do as best as i can to save the nuns. John gets done saving the church. He returns to Mother outside who now ''' '''has many of her sisters with her. John: Sister, Ive done as you asked. Mother: Bless you, but its not sister. It's Mother Superior. Mother Superior Calderon. Our bishop was a stickler for regulations. Until he got sick last week and ate half of the cathedral choir boys. ''' '''John: Im sorry. Mother: I only mention it because my girls are laughing at you calling me sister. John: What do you think is causing all this? Mother: Mexico is an old country. Many faiths have lived and died here. Many evil spirits have flourished. I have no idea what is afflicting the people here, but i know it is a sickness of the soul. Something supernatural. maybe, certainly nothing rational. Perhaps, if you were to get me a live one of these creatures. We could try a couple of experiments. John: Certainly. Mother: Get me a new one. One who was recently human. I want to work with a subject who has only recently turned. John: I'll see what i can find for you. Mother: Gracias Senor. Shh, Cayense, No puedo que creer como se portan. capturing a fresh Zombie, He returns to the church. He puts the zombie on the Church floor ''' '''John: Mother Superior, I think i have a test case for you. Mother: Senor Marston, you are a ture pilgrim. John: That, I ain't. ' '''Mother: Now, let's see... It certainly isn't the flu. Their eye are so devoid of love. Of anything. A lively one i see.. Here ' '''starts pouring water on the zombie John: What is that? Mother: Holly water. I think we may have something. John: It seems to be working. Mother: Maybe. Maybe not. John: Bat it seemed as if he were nearly saved. Mother: Spiritual infections are confusing things, Senor Marston. None of us can hope to understand them properly. John: But he came back for a minute. Mother: I blessed the water but, perhaps my faith is not that strong. I have to do more thinking, but I need time. Everyday, more of my people fall and the dead rise in Sepulcro. John: The Perhaps its time i put them to rest. Mother: Take the holy water. Maybe it will be a calming bond for the restless heart. John: Thank you. Mother: No, thank you. You are a blessing in an unusual form. cleans the graveyard of Sepulcro and Returns to Las Hermana On A Pale Horse Comes home ''' '''Abigail: John? There you are. Hell, whenever trouble starts, I can pretty much guarantee you'll ride off into the sunset. John: You feeling better? Abigail: Yes, once that boy stopped trying to bite me, everything felt much better. Im starving though John: Jack? Jack: Me? I only felt better once that mad look left your eye. Please, dad, dont leave me here alone with that woman again. ''' '''Abigail: Excuse me? John: Ill try not to, son. Jack: Heard that before. hugs Abigail and Jack Abigail: Well, let me fix us something to eat. John: Please dont. Weve had enough dramatics for one day. A few months later.... ' 'can be seen stealing the mask from the alter. Later, on a rainy day. On top of mount on beecher's hope. Lies John Marston. When all the sudden a hand shoots out of his grave. Its John Marstion the Undead. The End. Paternal Pride MacFarlane opens door to her house, rushes out and hugs John Bonnie: First Hell walks the earth, then you turn up... can my week get any worse? John: Nice to see you too, Miss Macfarlane. Bonnie: I tought you'd be dead. I heard things were bad in West Elizabeth. John: Sure, But it'll take more then an apocalypse to take me down. Bonnie: What are you? A demon? Or a cockroach? John: Both, I fear. How's your father? Bonnie: Fine and dandy. He should be coming out of that barn any moment now... Daddy! John: What's he doing in the barn? Bonnie: Daddy. John's here. Mr. Marston... you remember? That idiot bounty hunter. John: What was he doing in the barn? Bonnie: Just rounding up the undead and keeping'em safe, so the rest of us can go about our business... he's a real man. He's probably playing around with them. Daddy, stop teasing me! Now come on, now. John: How long has he been in there? Bonnie: Not long, only since yesterday. John: Yesterday? I better go have a look for him. Bonnie: Would you, John? You are kind. Call out to me if you find anything... John: Will do. climbs the side of the barn and then kills all the zombies in barn John: Drew, are you in here? comes up from behind some hey. Hes now a zombie and coming after John. ''' '''John shoots Drew. John: Sorry Mirster Macfarlane, you were a good man. goes to tell bonnie. But she seems to already know. Bonnie: Well, John, you always do bring sunshine to my life. John: Im sorry about your father. Bonnie: I'd like to say he died doing what he loved, but he never was one for eating folks, not slathering from the lips and howling at the moon...I guess I'll content myself with saying that he died protecting those he loved. ''' '''John: Indeed... Bonnie: Well.. John: Take care of yourself, Bonnie. Bonnie: You too, John. walks into her house. John walks away.